Tag: adoption

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thank you is a good place to start

It has been an impressive, emotional, unforgettable week here at the McCracken home. It will take a few days for me to sort through all of the pictures and events. For those who didn’t make it this weekend, be prepared for a barrage of pictures and text. So much happened in so little time–I can’t wait to document it all. There might even be some tears on your end. Heaven knows there were many happy tears on ours.

Knowing that sorting pics might take awhile, I don’t want too much time to go by without thanking everyone who did make the effort to attend. From the bottom of our hearts we thank each of you for your participation, support, and hard work. Whether you prepared food, provided supplies, donated time, or simply arranged your schedule to be in attendance….we thank you. We appreciate you. We honor each of your efforts in gracing our family.

Our children feel so much love. I see your patience, your caring and your kindness healing their little wounded hearts. It is unbelievable to me, eight months into this journey, how much gratitude I feel for each person who has stayed the course along side Adam and me. Our love for each of you continues to grow. We know you continue to invest in our children and in us. Sometimes that is not an easy thing. And yet, you continue on. That is why we care so deeply for each of you. That is why sharing this weekend with our close family and friends meant so much to us.

Whether you came from across the street, across town, or across a few states, we are grateful for your investment in our family. Whether you are of our Faith or not, we are grateful for your support. Whether you have known us for decades, or for a few short months, we feel gratitude for your service on our behalf. We would not change our situation for anything in the world. Thank You!!!

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more y more y more *sigh*

Upon returning from Bogota, we received the ninos’ Certificates of Citizenship from  USCIS–very important documents. Check!  We were informed by more than one source that before we could apply for social security cards (which we need in order to claim the children on our 2008 taxes) we needed to get the kids’ Certificates of Foreign Birth from the Nevada Secretary of State. So we did that, recently in fact. Check! I even had the paperwork overnighted on our FedEx account both ways so that we could have it expedited.

Today, I finally applied for social security cards, which was an adventure. Actually, my number was called in a timely fashion. I smiled at the lady behind the glass window as I plunked the stack of 10 or so stuffed manila envelopes down on the counter. She gave me that look, you know the one. The “oh boy, here we go” look. Don’t worry, I am so used to it by now. I was the employee’s first International Adoption case so things went very slowly, which was totally fine. I told her I didn’t mind being her guinea pig, if she didn’t mind that my two sons were playing with naked Barbie dolls behind me (hey, at least they were trying to put the clothes back on).

The annoyances arose as she asked for help from her supervisor. I won’t bore you with the long of it. Just imagine that person in your office or at church or on the PTA who not only thinks they know everything, but is ‘so sure’ that they try to make you feel badly in the process to validate their own assumptions. Yeah! I just smiled politely (as I ground my teeth inside of my mouth), and asked them to tell me exactly what documents they needed to move the process along.

For those readers moving along in the international adoption process, here are two helpful pieces of info I found out today:

1. Certificates of Foreign Birth are not needed to apply…..as long as you have:

a.) cert of citizenship

b.) original birth cert w/your last name

c.) adoption decree

d.) child’s passport with immigration visa

Now this is accurate for kids coming in on an IR-3 visa only–not sure about other immigration statuses.

2. If you are applying for more than one child at a time, the SSA will not issue cards sequentially. This means that if you are on a deadline, for example, trying to file a tax return, make sure that you give yourself enough time. Our children’s applications will be filed every two working days, which means that I only received a receipt for my oldest, today. Juan P.’s app will not be put in the system until next Friday at the earliest.

It looks like we might have to file an extension after all. :)

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happy 33rd to me

6350YUMMY peanut butter cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory.  My mom and dad were in town on business during the week of my birthday so Adam and I were lucky enough to spend the evening out with both sets of our parents. I had the Luau salad, as usual. And we ordered the Factory Nachos as a starter. Does food get any better? Thanks again, mom and dad, for treating us. And Thank You–Angelina and Emily–for watching the kids–and for the scrumptious cupcakes. They were so cute, I didn’t want to eat them.

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So becoming a mother is the only goal I wasn’t able to reach in my 25-30 five year plan. Instead of one healthy baby, I mourned three losses. Somehow, even at 33, I am still insanely jealous of those who reach that same goal. I think it is simply because I am used to doing whatever I say I am going to do. In that respect, not bearing children has been a completely humbling experience for me. And yet, I am still jealous. I guess I have a ways to go in the perfection department.

There were some momentous positives to my before 30 plan. I got married, traveled to five more countries, and finished my masters degree. All things I am extremely proud of, and grateful for. So at 33 I am left wondering, why didn’t I make a new five year plan at 30? I am all about goal-making and attaining. I think fertility and adoption took over my life for awhile, and it was difficult to focus on anything else. I am now resolved to have a two year plan. I will post the results when I am finished contemplating.

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deadman canyon

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Since all of Adam’s buddies ditched their “boys-day-out-canyoneering-date,” I was roped into a family hike. This week’s hike was supposed to be in a forest. In fact, the name of the dirt road we turned off on was “Hidden Forest Road.” And yet, the picture shows something completely different–especially the name of the canyon. Does anyone else see the disparity between the two. I was promised trees, and I got shrubs. I was promised cooler air, and I got three miles of completely exposed desert heat. I was promised a short distance on a nice dirt road, and I got thirty miles of bumpiness driving through the Desert Wildlife Refuge. And my calves, although needed the workout, were not happy Sunday morning.

Oh well, we had a great time hiking with the Dodds family. The kids were troopers as usual. And we experienced a new hike. I was in the car with Danny the other day and out of the blue he said, “Mom, I love camping. I love climbing. I love hiking. I love scouts.” It was so cute, and completely genuine. I said, “I guess it doesn’t take blood to make you so much like your daddy.” :)

Now that Adam is Scoutmaster, I get out of some of the crazy trips he wants to go on. I’ll let him take the scouts. YES!

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in two weeks…

In two weeks, Danny will be baptized in our friends’ pool.

In two weeks, the six of us will be dressed in white looking toward eternity.

In two weeks, the kids will finally meet primos Victoria and Chase.

In two weeks, I get to squeeze newly adopted baby Truxton, and brand new baby Leslie.

In two weeks, we will join with family and friends in great celebration.

……………………..in two weeks

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the fertility verdict

My post-miscarriage consult with Dr. S. went well. We reviewed the past five years, and talked over all of my options. I appreciate my doctor’s candor. He has never promised me anything, although he is still hopeful. At this point, our only option is to seek a fertility specialist. Been there, done that, not too excited to go back just yet.

After pondering our options for a couple of weeks, Adam and I are both of the mindset that right now all our efforts should be focused on the ninos. They take all of our energy and all of our time, in the most delicious way. Although I have many dear friends who are opposed to this idea, if I had to choose right now, I would opt for Adam getting snipped. But we don’t “have” to make a decision so we are going to wait a year and see how we feel. Maybe we’ll go to a specialist. Maybe we’ll try naturally. Maybe we’ll go on clomid again. But for now we are choosing to do nothing.

So back to square one we go. At least this time around we have a house full of joy.

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do those hiking poles come in pink?

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The juxtaposition of the Barbie cake, tea set, and hiking poles is a crack up. But look how happy our little seven year old is! We had a low-key, at-home celebration. What was on the menu, you ask? Awww, yes. Pasta con queso con chachichas, sin ketchup. Yeah, mac-n-cheese and hotdogs!!!!!!!!!! Gross, right? At least, it was the cheapest birthday dinner ever requested. :) We spent the evening playing the Wii and eating yummy chocolate cake. Nikki’s best friend, Erica, also joined us. That is who gave Nikki the tea set. It is currently the favorite toy in the house. Thank you Stewart family. The kids absolutely adore Erica…she is a wonderful friend.

On a serious note, Nikki’s birthday brought tears to my eyes. It is the first birthday party she has ever had. It is the first time anyone has sung “happy birthday” just to her. It is the first birthday cake ever made in her honor. It is the first time, that she remembers, getting any birthday gifts. Pretty amazing. And we get to do it three more times this year!

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Since Nikki’s bday was on a Friday, we took her new hiking poles out for a spin on Saturday. We had a blast finding the Anniversary Narrows out at Lake Mead. It was a pretty easy hike, and the kids had a great time. After walking down a wash for awhile, we entered a slot canyon that was really cool to traverse with the ninos. They did well. You’ll notice the backpacks loaded down–we are still training them for this spring. We can’t wait to do some overnighters.

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After that, Aunt Marisa picked Nikki up to take her to Build-A-Bear for her gift from her tios. She hasn’t let go of the bear yet! We ended the weekend of celebration with a February Birthday Party at the McCracken’s home. Zoe and grandpa both had birthdays this month too. I think that Nikki was sufficiently spoiled, and the other children were sufficiently jealous. :) Isn’t that the way it is supposed to be?

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zero to five, and back to four

Finally, I had ‘that’ moment. For months I have waited and wondered when it would actually happen. This morning, as I awoke from a very vivid dream, it did. It finally hit me that I am actually a mother of four children. And not just any four children, but four little Colombian strangers who I would never have known, let alone have the opportunity to mother, if it wasn’t for our faith and hope in adoption. How did this happen?

Everyday I realize just how fantastic my reality really is. I did not create my children one, or even two, at a time. I went from zero to four quite literally overnight. Why am I not overwhelmed? I should be overwhelmed. One awesome August morning, at the age of 32, I woke up, packed my bags, drove to a lush hillside on the outskirts of Bogota, and instantly became a mom. Isn’t that surreal? It’s the coolest way to become a mom, I think. It’s not the easiest, but definitely the coolest.

And maybe my recent reflections on the adoption are just my way of coping with the recent miscarriage. This miscarriage (we’ll say it’s #5) was weird to say the least. I mean, it was unexpected, short-lived, and just weird all the way around. Part of me is too busy doing mom stuff to think about it much. And the other part of me doesn’t want to go back to the warm comfort of functional darkness. And yet, the thought of that familiar place is so very tantalizing.

I am so grateful that my experiences have given me not only perspective, but also wisdom. The ninos demand all of me all of the time, and that is a job worth doing well. We still want a baby. The kids want us to have a baby. But we don’t crave a baby. We don’t pine for a baby. We don’t hate people with rear-facing carseats. I mean, come on. There is so much more to living.

As for fertility, I guess this particular miscarriage takes us back to the proverbial drawing board. We were just getting to the point where we thought we might start deliberately trying, so I guess the timing couldn’t be anymore perfect. Do we try? Do we call it quits? Do we do more testing? Do we go back on Clomid? Do we…..? I have a consult with Dr. S on Tuesday–we’ll see how it goes. Decisions, decisions.

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six months, seriously?

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How did we spend our anniversary?

Grocery shopping, practicing the alphabet, lunching with daddy, and driving through town with the windows down singing to the tip-tops of our lungs. Just another ordinary day full of messes, tantrums, games, and laughter. And I cannot imagine it any other way, nor would I trade it.

What is the biggest lesson learned these past six months?

That the soul’s capacity to love is larger and more encompassing than I ever imagined. This adoption has helped me see beyond myself in very specific ways. It has acquainted me with the darkest parts of this world. My mind now houses real images that were previously only viewed from an armchair. Images that remind me of exactly what my children have risen from. Images that, although I wish didn’t exist, have increased my ability to love. Images that have increased my capacity for compassion and mercy.

Just as I have seen the cruelties of man hard at work, however, I have also seen the magnificence of the heavens right along side. Our children are living miracles! Each of their ability to love and forgive is incredible. Danny’s gentleness, Ezzy’s sureness, Nikki’s sweetness, and Juan P.’s–well he’s just Juan P.–assures me that tender mercies still abound. There is beauty to be found, and there is joy to be had!!!

Over the past five years, there have been many many days when I have felt as though my beating heart was literally being ripped from my chest. Moments when I could not breath for the feelings of emptiness and loss were so great. Even now, I can picture vividly those tumultuous times, and feel the despair that engulfed me. But those feeling cannot and never will compare to the feelings that my oldest son felt as a toddler when he was expected to beg for drug money on the streets, or when he was bounced from home to home finally ending up in an orphanage with his siblings. My experience will never hold a candle to my youngest son’s experience of being taken at two days old and never having a mother to bond with until now.

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine never knowing from day to day, especially as a young child, if you will be fed or bathed or clothed or safe? Although I have seen it, I still cannot fathom experiencing it. And yet, my children are valiant little spirits. They have keen minds, and they try to do good (except when it comes to toothpaste–don’t ask:). In six short months, I have felt more love for and from them than I ever expected. Even in my best of the best case scenarios I am still blown away by our Colombian Sunshines, and our overall adoption experience. I know not everyone has the same sort of experience, and I know that we have a very very long road ahead. Our home runs far from perfectly! But we trudge along each day…finding joy in the journey.

Six months seems like six days, but also like six years! And I think that is the way it is supposed to be.

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bye, bye kavika

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Our little buddy, Kavika, found a permanent home last week. We are so excited for him. Kavika lived with us for two months, and the kids became fairly attached. In fact, when his aunt and uncle came to pick him up there were quite a few tears shed–mostly by Danny.

If you are interested in “life lessons” by a 13 year old, this video is worth watching all the way through…what you do not hear is Adam and cracking up silently when Kavika says that things weren’t always perfect and nice in our home. Hilarious! :)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCDEpEhzC3g

Me and my sweet Danny discussing how awesome it is that Kavika now has a family just like him. If Danny were a Carebear, he would be Tender-Heart Bear for sure!!!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCgiukfDa5U